Friday, March 27, 2009

My professional review of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Nick and I just watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.  It was my first time watching the movie and I have to say it was pretty interesting.

I call Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, "I can fly when it is convienent for me, but not when it really matters...and I am a hormonal teenager."  Really tho, crouching tiger is the legendary warrior guy who is laying low from fighting a while and hidden dragon is the emperor's daughter who is hiding her identity (she calls herself desert dragon in the movie).

This is the jist of what happens in the movie.  There is a guy who is a legendary warrior and he wants to give his sword to a master because it is causing him trouble and he wants to "settle down" with his girl that he has never touched or proclaimed his love for.  He gives her the sword to deliver (she has a delivery service) and she ends up spending some time at the master's house where she has a friend.  The emperor's daughter is also there.

Turns out the emperor's daughter is a secret ninja fighter who is supposed to be married to some guy her parents chose (named Gou) and she is learning all her awesome skills from Jade Fox, who is like her nanny lady.  She has a secret boyfriend who she met in the desert when he tried to attack and kill her dad.  He stole her comb and they fight for like 30 minutes in the desert wrestling.  She ends up waking up in his man cave and taking a bath and making love to him several times.  When she goes back to the emperor's lifestyle she has the "meh I am a defiant teenager who can do watever I want" attitude.

The girl who delivered the store is also an amazing ninja lady who went to the Wuden mountain school and the emperor's daughter only read the book but hasn't really been trained.  They fight to try and the girl who delivered the sword tries to get it back from the emperor's daughter (oh by the way the sword is a magical, indestructible 400 year old sword).

Lots of fighting happens...some with Jade Fox and some with emperor's daughter until the emperor's daughter runs away during her wedding because her desert boyfriend comes back.  She floats away and flies over to another town to flaunt her skills.   Her secret boyfriend goes to Wuden mountain because secret lovers tell him to.  She beats up a whole restaurant worth of people and the two lovers who aren't really lovers come to try and find her.

 Oh and the emperor's daughter wants to be sisters with the ninja lady who delivered the sword.  That lady finds her because emperor's daughter goes to her house for clothes and they get into a huge duel.  The indestructible sword beats every single weapon in the courtyard and legendary warrior guy steps in and says that he needs to fight her.  They fly in the air, skip over lakes, walk on trees.  All the while fighting with swords.  This is where it really shows that emperor's daughter doesn't have the training cause she is shaking and keeps falling off trees.  

Finally, legendary hero warrior beats her and she agrees to be trained if he can get the sword in 3 moves... he does in 1.  She flys off a mountain and retrieves the sword from a lake he throws it into and Jade Fox whisks her away.  Jade fox drugs her with a teapot and emperor's daughter tries to make out with legendary warrior.  He wakes her up from being drugged and then Jade fox attacks them with poison darts.  

Jade fox gets owned by legendary warrior dude and dies, but not before legendary warrior gets hit in the neck with a death poison dart (same kind that killed his master).  Emperor's daughter FINALLY gets over herself and goes to make a secret antidote but takes too long because she goes and has tea and takes a shower before coming back.  Legendary warrior dude dies, telling delivery chick in his last breath that he has always loved her (only it's in like 20 breaths).  Delivery lady cries and tells the emperor's daughter to go to Wuden mountain to get training and to always be true to herself.  Delivery lady wants to kill her with the super sword but doesn't.  

Emperor's daughter goes to the mountain, finds boyfriend.  She makes love to him again and then gives him her comb.  She jumps off a mountain and supposedly kills herself.. even though the rest of the freaking movie they can fly and jump off of whatever they want.... doing ninja moves and such...

I guess when it really comes down to it ninja powers fail at obvious times. 

Oh, and that is how the movie ends...with the emperor's daughter killing herself because she needs to to rectify all the problems that she caused with the sword, Jade fox, and her attitude.

Lastly, the whole movie is in Chinese....which makes sense since it takes place in CHINA. :) Made it authentic.

Overall I liked the movie quite a bit....but was not a HUGE fan of when the ninja people flew over LARGE areas of land, in the trees, or skipped on top of lakes.  I am all for overembellishments in fighting scenes.... but let's keep it at that :P

Did I cover the movie well enough?  Give me your opinions on my review, and also your opinion of the movie. 

That's all for now :)


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